Random Ramblings

Sometimes I wonder if Mom ever regretted not being able to tell me what she wanted to tell me the night I celebrated my 18th birthday. Sometimes I wonder if that bothered her as much as much as it bothers me now that I did not tell her exactly what I wanted to tell her 11 months ago.

I hope that somehow she knew that I (secretly then) found her message, and that I’ve been reading it repeatedly the past eight years. She didn’t leave without me knowing what she wanted to say.

I have a little bit more of you to hold on to, Ma. I miss you. ♥

Mommy’s Birthday Message to Corrine  

I prepared this message a long time before tonight.  When your Ate turned 18 two years ago, I was kinda “sabog” in my “homily” and I failed to say the things I would have wanted to say to her… Thank God for 2nd chances.

18 years ago, just a few days after the EDSA Revolution, you were born prematurely. That’s why we called you Corrine – after Cory Aquino. Even when I was bulging with you in my womb, your Dad and I were also there at EDSA. We could not stay long, though, lest you come bursting out with curiosity!

You were a tiny baby – all of 2296 grams - all pink, so small that I was tempted to put you in a shoebox when it was time to go home from the hospital. Who’d imagine that you would grow up to be that big! As a baby, you were so quiet that for some months nobody would suspect that there was a baby in the house.  I called you my Baby Girl even when you were no longer a baby – until one of your cousins got the “franchise” for that name, then you simply became Corrine to me,  your dad and other older relatives, Rin to your Ate and your friends , Diche to your brother, Luigi and Ate to all your other younger relatives.

Each day, as I watched you grow up, I could see that you were becoming very much like me. We both share the same passionate aversion for mathematics; we also write pretty better than most (ehem!). But I must agree you possess a much improved talent in writing. I remember you wrote your first poem when you were, I think in Grade 1. I wrote mine when I was already in high school. The trouble is, you wrote your 1st poem for your teacher, not your Mom. It was unbelievably well crafted that we all thought you copied it from someone, somewhere. You were indeed, MY daughter. But I’d also tell my friends, with much lament, that you also have a higher version of my katarayan, kasupladahan, rebellion, and obstinacy. 

Sometimes I couldn’t help but think that perhaps God made you to be very much like me to punish me for being such a stubborn, arrogant, rebellious, free-spirited daughter that I was in my youth, who thought that the whole world owed me many things, and that I deserved more that what I was getting. Kung baga, payback time for all the headaches and heartaches I gave Tatay and Nanay.

There were many times when we disagreed; many more times I made you cry; times that I might have hurt you.  When I‘d see you angry, heartbroken, feeling unloved, and misunderstood, I’d wish that God should have given you to a mother you would have wanted; I’d wish I never came into your life.  But, never for a moment did I wish you never came into mine. For even if you might have felt a lot of times that you didn’t belong to me, I will always belong to you. You were God’s gift to me – a gift that does not need an occasion to be one; a gift with no price tag; a gift that I will not just store in some obscure corner of my life.

Being very much like me, I know you can be strong, positively determined and unafraid to walk the distance to chase your dreams.  And just like what Eleanor Roosevelt said, always remember “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Today, I’d like to remind you once again the one thing I always say – Life is not a popularity contest. What is popular may not always be right, and what is right is not always popular. Life will be full of choices. It is always easier to choose shortcuts and convenient paths. But in every crossroad, I hope you will always remember to choose what is right and not what is popular.

It’s not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are… Christian values I hope you imbibed not only from us, but also your school, the Holy Spirit. And now that you are in Ateneo, you must always remember that while being an Atenean may bring you a whole world of privileges and to a certain extent, “prestige”, not to mention academic preparation, you must not forget that more than that, being an Atenean also carries with it a greater challenge and responsibility – that of being a person for others… And I hope the Ignatian spirit will guide you as you walk through life.

It is also my fervent wish that you grow up to be your own unique self. I read somewhere that when a child can be truly be what she or he is, and stand up for that no matter what the consequences would be, she or he can teach love, respect and dignity.  He or she can have a sense of self-worth that no man could break. You can be that person, not because you are just like me, but because you are you, Frances Corrine Pulumbarit Elum.

You are now 18. Your world will change from your parents to your friends – to crushes – some of whom, I know are here … and I would like to read something that my father – Tatay, your lolo gave us, his daughters, when we were young.  It’s an article about what a parent would say to his daughter…

What Would I Tell My Daughter

“I would encourage her to be religious, because I know that religion (a deep faith in God) is the safest protection I could imagine… However, I don’t want my daughter to be fanatically religious… Religion (a deep faith in God) would be her strongest guarantee to happiness.

I expect my daughter to be charming, not beautiful…because more often than not, physical beauty fades with years…charm grows …mellows …and becomes a rich bouquet as her hair turns from black to gray… 

I would tell her that the main ingredients of charm are sincerity, interest in people – genuine interest in them; and neatness and physical cleanliness.  Of these qualities, the most important is sincerity.  There must be genuineness in her feelings, in her words, in her attitude.

Before she falls in love with a boy, I would caution her about falling in love with a handsome boy because he is handsome.  Boys gifted by nature in this manner are generally spoiled and self-conceited.

I would advise my daughter to look instead for a manly man, who has energy, enthusiasm and ambition.  He does not have to be rich, but he must be a man of promise, and a man willing to work…

How can you tell whether a man would make a good husband?  Whether he is neat, how he treats the poor, how he acts towards his superior, and how he behaves towards those below him; how he reacts under fire, in victory and in defeat…

But one of the safest guides is whether he takes his religion (a deep faith in God) seriously or not. While this is not an absolute guarantee that he would make a good husband or not, it is best, I know…”

Before I close, I’d like to read this piece I also read somewhere.  (Pacencia ka na, alam mo naman ako, read nang read …) It’s a reflection of a mother… 

I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.

I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.

I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.

I can teach you right from wrong,  but I cannot always decide for you.

I can buy you beautiful clothes, but I cannot make you beautiful inside.

I can offer you advice, but I cannot accept it for you.

I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.

I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.

I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.

I can advise you about friends, but cannot choose them for you.

I can advise you about sex, but I cannot keep you pure.

I can tell you about alcohol & drugs, but I can’t say “No” for you.

I can tell you about lofty goals, but I can’t achieve them for you.

I can teach you about kindness, but I can’t force you to be gracious.

I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.

I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.

I can love you with unconditional love all of my life…and I will…

You know, it is true … that the mother-child relationship is paradoxical, and in a sense – tragic.  It requires the most intense love on the mother’s side, yet this very same love must help the child grow away from the mother and become fully independent…

They also say that the everlasting sadness of any mother is that there comes a time when she can no longer bring magic to her child’s life, nor cure to her troubles …

It’s sad, because that time for me has come …

Happy 18th Birthday!

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Because to me, this shouldn’t be a “let’s-wait-and-see” kind of thing.

It’s a “we’re-heading-somewhere” kind of thing.

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